Rhemalight

Verse 4:
1Co 13:4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

This love we are talking about is more concerned about the others than itself. It prefers the others not because you are lower in class but because you consciously choose to put them first. This verse combines suffering long with patience and kindness. Many people can endure long but are not patient and kind while doing it. They will bear until they can bear no more. Let us look at Jesus who endured such scorn from sinful men so that we don’t give up walking in love.

Jesus, the express image of God, left us an example to follow which was a lifestyle of love. Even in the worst of circumstances, the cross, he could still pray that God forgives them that were awfully treating him. We should train ourselves to be long suffering while we are patient and kind as we do it.
This love trains itself to be patient. I believe it is not only patient to other people but to God also. The bible says that it is by faith and patience that we inherit the promises of God. This patience involves time. You should be patient with your spouse as they develop to maturity. You should be patient to God as He accomplishes His will in your life. I have found that patience helps in reducing anxiety because he keeps them in perfect peace, they who have their minds on Him.

These are my study notes that I made in 2005 about Love:

[[The word translated patience is also translated long suffering, suffers long, endures and bears. It is important to note that Love is about giving up or dying to self to see or with the aim of the other in mind.
Patience is really about patient or long joyful enduring of that you suffer. It is important to note that it is supposed to be joyful. It is not trying to put up with but remaining the same despite the circumstances.
Creflo Dollar talks about it in this manner
Love endures long (verse 4).
Human love is conditional, whereas the God-kind of love is unconditional.
Allow the love of God to permeate your relationships.
Whenever you're tempted to give up on people because of their mistakes, consider the fact that God would never give up on you because of yours.
Love is patient.
Love is consistently and constantly the same. It says, "I am here for you even when you fail."
Your love will be tested over time.

In order to understand the patience aspect of love (like other aspects too), we look at Jesus because He was and is the will of God in action.

Let us start with Matthew 17:17 or Mark 9:19 or Luke 9:41.

Mat 17:17 Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.

Jesus had to bear with his disciples in the area of faith. How often we try to change people into faith giants overnight. Jesus' rebuke came after some time and this should be our policy i.e. to bear with the unbelief and lack of faith in our brethren while teaching them. Well when one refuses to grow, a rebuke in love is fine. Example is Romans 15:1. The word ‘infirmities’ is defined as scruple of conscience that is doubt or hesitation.

Heb 12:2-3 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

The death on the cross was a very shameful death more so at the hands of the very vessels that had been created by him. He endured scorn, abuse and such death to the point of shedding blood. This should encourage us-not to be weary- to be patient with other people. Despise the hurt, the shame, the delay and the abuse for the produce. Remember love never fails and in a while, it will conquer.

1Pe 2:22-23 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

Like I said before, it is important to look at Jesus and not suffer long while complaining. Jesus in His trial and death, suffered and was reviled but did not threaten or abuse. He committed himself to him that judgeth righteously i.e. our vindicator. It is now incumbent upon us when we suffer to take it patiently because it is acceptable with God. (1Pe 2:20-21)

This is a fruit of the recreated Spirit filled inward man and is a result of the tree. It is not a work of the flesh. Train yourself to walk in love, looking unto Jesus and doing His works.
It is also okay to pray that God strengthens you according to His glorious power that you may be able to endure and suffer long cheerfully. I encourage you to pray that prayer (IN COLOSSIANS 1:9-14) as often as you can.

As I continued to meditate about Love being patient, I realized that we only think about patience when you are suffering hurt or when being inconvenienced. God showed me that it is also important in good things. Don't you remember that in Isaiah the word says "...he that believeth shall not make haste". It is very easy to lose patience in the midst of good things. A good example is when gives you a leading concerning a future mate. It is very easy to lose patience and run ahead of God.

Patience must be cultivated to achieve it, otherwise it will not develop. So it is important to practice it in both good things and in trouble.]]

Kindness is also defined as compassion or gentleness. But the word translated ‘kind’ in this verse means (according to strong’s concordance) to show oneself useful or to act benevolently. Love shows itself useful to others in ways that result into them seeing this usefulness. It helps an old woman cross the road, gives a jacket to the freezing brother etc.

This verse continues to tell us what love is; is never envious nor boils over with jealousy.
Remember that this love is the fulfillment of the Law. The New Testament rule is the love commandment. When you walk in this commandment, you fulfill the Ten Commandments. So if you are walking in love, you don’t have to worry about fulfilling the Ten Commandments. Envy, jealousy, boasting and taking yourself highly have no place in this love. Where is boasting? Boasting in works or deeds is of the flesh. All boasting, like Paul said, should be in Christ for what he has done in us. Jealousy and envy show that we are still carnal and not yet spiritual (1Cor 3:1-3). We should outgrow them so that when others are doing better, we rejoice with them instead of getting jealous.

I remember a time when I was still at college and a friend of mine performed better in class. I sensed jealousy cropping in and I knew this was a time to deal with it once and for all. This one incident helped me to deal with jealousy incase it crops up. I remember saying to myself that I will even pray for him that he performs better than me every time. I can assure you that the thought disappeared immediately. The devil doesn’t want anyone to get better and that includes you. So when you set to pray that the other even prospers more, your flesh or the devil will not like it.

Php 2:3-4 doing nothing through faction or through vainglory, but in lowliness of mind each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others.

Verse 5
1Co 13:5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

Thinking of yourself highly is not a sin.

Rom 12:3 For I say, through the grace that was given me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to each man a measure of faith.

This thinking is not self conceited (vainglorious) and this thinking of being high is because of ‘Christ in me, the hope of glory’. When you see yourself in the light of what Christ has done for you, you can not be conceited because you had nothing to do with it.
Pride puts itself higher than anyone. Jesus was God who took on flesh. However, even being the express image of God didn’t make him become inflated with pride. He humbled himself even to the death on the cross.

This love is humble and prefers the others to itself. Pride thinks of how to be on top of the rest while humility (love) considers how to put the others on top even when it is better than them. Throwing tantrums and pouting your mouth should get the attention of your granny but it just shows that you are still found wanting in love. Love, just like the scripture says, doesn’t act unbecomingly. Silent treatment, using sex as a manipulation tool, slapping your wife and other acts that are not becoming are avenues out of love. People always say they want to fulfill the Ten Commandments. Let me offer to you that if you walk in love, you will be on the right path and it will help you tremendously in your Christian life. I will delve deeper into that later.

I have never been married and I may be wrong on this but let me say it; the place where we should not fear to feel vulnerable is with our spouses. Instead of fighting your wife and insisting on your rights and your own way, why not have their way. When you walk in love, you are not seeking payment. Showing love to your spouse is a gift. We don’t work for gifts and we don’t earn them. Stop putting yourself first and instead prefer the other person because love cares for the other. Ask God to teach you how to love but don’t ask him for love because you have it. Let your show of love be due to the fact that God loved us and not because she/he gave you something yesterday. We should love- whether they deserve it or not. Surely no one can sow seeds of love and never reap. It may take a week, month or even years but it will surely come to pass. Love and even love - making have become so mechanical that we rarely follow our hearts in expressing the love that God has shed abroad in our hearts. Have you ever realized that your way may be the wrong way and their way, the right one? I have noticed that people are looking for answers in the wrong places. Stop basing your relationship on what you saw in this or that movie.

Competition of love
In any competition, there is a winner and usually there is a prize for him/her. In this competition of love, it is one where each person in the relationship seeks to outdo the other in love. As one person dashes and leaves the other in love, the other person will also strive to dash. This becomes a symbiotic relationship where today I win and in the next minute, the other is winning. This love helps the other person to love. Husbands love your wives while the ladies are told to submit to their husbands. It is a call to act in love. Love is giving (consider Philippians 2). Submission has the element of obedience and humility. In bible terms, the antonym for humility is pride which has no regard for love. Humility on the other hand has to do with love. So the commandment to husbands and wives is the command of love where the parties are expected to outdo one another out of respect and trust.
Outdoing one another in love has to do with the way the other person feels loved. Like I stated at the beginning, this love has to do with the other. Therefore, you have to express your love in the manner that the other person expects and desires.(Note: Check out part 9 on competition-coming soon)

I don’t want to sound biased but I have found my female friends to be the most touchy. This word in thesaurus is also translated as sensitive, irritable, quick-tempered, prickly, moody and easily upset. The antonym is even-tempered. This is also true in males but much more in females. As believers, you have got to understand that we should not be moody and easily upset. Taking offence at every little thing does not help matters. Love is not easily upset and even when it is, it doesn’t offer silent treatment and pouting. Let us strive to grow in love.

1Co 13:6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

It is the devil who wants to rejoice in evil for he comes but to steal, kill and destroy. Love rejoices when right and truth prevail. Don’t rejoice in the short comings of your spouse but bear with her/him.

1Co 13:7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Recently, I drove a friend to her home after a cell meeting and we began to talk about walking in love. As we talked, it dawned on me that couples rarely enjoy the moment at hand because of prior deliberations of the heart. Let me give an example;
One is lying on their bed thinking about how they are missing the other. All of a sudden the thought changes to ‘why don’t they call me… he/she will call when I am about to sleep instead of now. What is wrong with them?’ Around that time, the other calls. Due to the fact that this person has been thinking about negative stuff, his/her reaction to the call will most likely be one of no cheer. Now, the caller will sense the “enthusiasm” and start wondering what is wrong or like in most cases think that they did something wrong. The moment that should have been enjoyed is filled with guilt and lack of cheer. Now imagine that instead of the negative thoughts prior to the call, there are positive thoughts of expectancy. This would change the dialogue entirely.

People always want to do that which is hard to prove that they are able and sufficient. Well, believing the worst of others is easy. Saying negative things about others and even ourselves is so natural that often times we do it even unconsciously. Well, this love believes the best of every person, not the worst. When it comes to the worst, it covers. The word of God says that love covers a multitude of sins. This means that sins are present but love makes a conscious decision to cover. Well, we need to tell exactly as things appear. If even God doesn’t, why should you? When a person brings a bad report about someone-whether it is right or not-choose to stay on the positive. Be ready to believe the best and not the worst. Actually don’t be ready to believe the worst. This love endures under anything and doesn’t succumb to the pressure.

1Co 13:8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

Actions of love will stand the fire. I really believe that actions that emanate from love (God’s love in us) will stand the test of time. This means they follow us into eternity and are never consumed when tested by fire. When believers stand before the judgment seat of Christ, they will be judged for deeds done in flesh whether good or bad. I believe that in addition to fulfilling God’s will for your life, the actions based on agape love will stand and will be accounted to you. Love never fails or comes to an end. Your love expressed to others will follow you not only in this world but also in the one to come.