Rhemalight

 Loving Through Actions

In my second last article in this series on the commitment to love, I look back at this series and get amazed at how long it has been. Like I have written in the past, “Loving through actions” is the most well written about in the 3 areas of showing love.

Numerous books have been written on this particular aspect of love but many concentrate on how to show love through actions and they have done a tremendous job. There are so many that I will not dare mention any. However I mentioned some authors- whose books I have read and find beneficial- in my earlier article.

The old adage, “actions speak louder than words” is true in this area but interestingly you can not just separate the two. Actions accompany words and so do the words. To illustrate this, I accompany you this time and you accompany me the next time with each of us taking preeminence on our individual journeys. Misplace any of the two, use the wrong quantities and the whole recipe is spoilt. That is why I don’t believe in the so called “Words don’t hurt me or break bones” mentality. Words hurt. Divorces are stated and expressed in words. Your commitment to love started with words and I can assure you, it will be sustained by words. Even when it comes to salvation, you have to confess and you have to hold onto the confession of your faith, exercise your faith with words and Jesus is called the apostle of profession or confession. (Romans 10:8-10, Mark 11:23-24, Heb. 3:1).

If you get the proper vocabulary in your romantic relationship, you will have gone around a good distance and then the actions complete the journey but remember what I said earlier that sometimes actions will take preeminence and account for 100%. Make actions account so much and have a poor vocabulary and all you may get is a poor representation of your actions. As I am still at it, let me re-echo what I have touched slightly in my previous writings, get principles and not iron-clad rules.

In English, the adjective comes before the noun e.g. a white house. In my mother tongue, the adjective comes after the noun, “enyumba enjeru”. If I just get the words, just copy and paste, all I will get is confusion from the hearer. The right manner would be to understand the aim/motive/target/principle which in this case is defining the noun. Therefore I use the goal of the words and the rules of the environment I am in to achieve what I want. Be careful with what you copy from this couple, that book or that culture because you may not get the expected reception. On this note, I delve into an important aspect of loving with your actions or even words which is called ‘The Audience’.

The Audience

This is where many of us have failed and this is an area which is so important in all aspects of life. To the marketing and sales people, they call it ‘targeted market’; to the teacher, the enrolled students for the course; to the pastor, the congregation etc. It is important to understand how your spouse envisions different actions and adjust accordingly. Well, why doesn’t he/she adjust? Just go back and read part 1 and part 2 of this series on the commitment to love. 

First have your principles and these shouldn’t change with time and it is important to make them clear and known to your spouse.  I would advise that let them be grounded in the word of God. I heard a statement from one of the candidates in the current US race and I like it. He said, “Policy can change with time and environment but your core principles shouldn’t. In other words, be consistent and stand firm on your principles which must be grounded and have their source in the word of God.

And if you have realized, I didn’t mention any actions to show this commitment because you have to decide on the best and let the peace of God answer every question that arises.