Rhemalight

 Loving Through Words

Sitting in the lounge of my residence hall, I began thinking about loving through words. I started this series in December and almost every week, whether going to class or while seated in my room, I have been meditating on this. In my previous article, I wrote about how to love through your thoughts (see article) and it was good I started with that. Cultivating loving through your thinking/thoughts will generally enhance your loving through words and subsequently actions.Words are very important in the love walk. Words as unseen products of the mouth are very useful or dangerous if not used appropriately. I usually hear folks saying that they take the words back. Well, just apologize and never use those words again but the arrow or darts have already hit the target. It is not sufficient to love through your thinking alone. Let what is in your heart as a result of this cultivation flow out. Insecurity and fear have resulted in poor relationships because everybody is keeping the guard way high. Your ideology/philosophy will affect the relationships you are involved in so be careful about the body of ideas that you take up. Fashion your thinking and philosophies according to the word of God.At one time, I heard a lady say you can never trust men. Immediately I said, “Girl, there are fine men in the church and we are many” Her answer startled me when she stated that all men are the same. Probably her experience testifies to that but in relationships we don’t generalize and this is where we have to be careful. Words are the product of our thinking and the abundance of our hearts so you should have the right stuff inside there. I used to give people ‘a piece of my mind’ until I heard these 2 statements; First, if you have a right mind and second, make sure you remain with enough. Don’t just speak because you have to.Words are important in the confession of your love, expression of your heart and therefore we need to learn the art of using words. When you learn how to use words, you win. Even the world uses the power of words like slogans to entice you to buy. Learning is a process and you should have a way of doing it.

Let me share with you something to encourage you to seek to change. During my first and second year in college for undergraduate, I had little interaction with ladies on a personal level. My ideologies (remember what I said about them) was if it is bad, say it and if it is good, say it. Mark the way I have written it and I sure dwelt on the bad more than the good. Well, you would always count on me for an honest answer if you asked because I rarely commented until asked. It probably saved me a couple of slaps. Well, one time as we got out of class with a bunch of my class fellowship folks, the guys complimented a certain sister but I kept quiet. Well, she took it upon herself to lecture me about it and my initial reaction was well, I say it as it is and I don’t want to say anything because I may not be impressed and end up negating the compliments. God began dealing with me about this and I have since learnt something though sometimes I would compliment somebody when we were separating after hours of being together. It was a journey but now I find it easier and thank God for the lady.In using your words, don’t flatter. Folks usually know when they have missed it and that is why you have to be careful not to just speak for the sake of speaking. I fell into that pitfall when I was learning how to compliment but now I have enough sense not to do it. You should understand that a person will compliment you based on their conception of you and not what you want them to think about you. If you don’t want to hear what they have to say, don’t ask and then get mad when they say something you don’t want to hear.

Use your words to edify and build, correct and criticize. I included criticize because we often look at it as negative word. One definition is to analyze and evaluate. Constructive criticism is necessary for a relationship and this is an act of love.

Selfishness has resulted in many of us thinking about how the other person falls short. I don’t know why we always depend on what so and so said that we ignore our deepest leadings of the heart. I have heard single folks argue that if you tell your spouse how you love them daily, they will take it for granted so they conclude that they will act in an ‘I don’t care attitude’. I wonder where these single folks who have never related get their facts. It is often in one of our favorite pastimes which I will not mention. I heard one minister who went to be with the lord and had been married for around 60 years say “I always tell my wife how beautiful she is and how I love her daily’ and it is one marriage relationship that has impressed me after reading and hearing others talk about it. Articulating your feelings for your spouse is important though according to my research, it is hard specifically for men but bless God it can be developed. Complimenting and encouraging your spouse is crucial to the wellbeing of your relationship. Paulina is smart in the morning with a nice outfit and a rose in the hair and Antonio says nothing until he recognizes the flower missing and blurts out, “Are you not fine, what happened to the rose in your hair”. Too late!

I am not writing about living in a fairly tale where you ignore what is going on but I am emphasizing dealing with everything in love. Never ever ignore working on your relationship but it must be done in the spirit of love. I wrote in the previous article that loving with words and loving with actions have all been written about extensively and there are so many good books on these subjects by my one of my favorite authors Derek Prince and others like Norman Wright, Gary Chapman, Elisabeth Elliot, George Elizabeth, Myles Munroe etc. One book that I read last year and I believe it is in my top three relationships books is “Abigail’s Journey by Judith Bronte”. It is written as a novel but I haven’t read any relationship book that depicts Love in its true light (you can download the pdf free version from  http://acacia.pair.com/Journey.of.the.Heart/abigail/paperback.html  or buy a paperback copy from http://www.lulu.com/content/374958). So get some of these books and study, but like I wrote in the article on study (see article), books should be read for guidelines and not iron clad rules because when it comes to relationships, there is no ‘one size fits all’.

Let me end with this. Learn how to say what you want to say clearly so that the other party understands. Understand your audience (see next article in this series). Create an environment that is conducive for commitment and reliable promising. Speak highly of your spouse among your friends. Make him/her feel important. Tell her how beautiful she is. Tell him how intelligent he is. Well, she is not beautiful or he is a fool. Just keep quiet and use your love to change him or her. Love changes things and it never fails or ceases to grow.

In the next article, I will write about how to love through actions and then end this series with “Trust and Respect”.